Confessions

As I think of ways to take revenge and to make you as broken as I am, I feel a horrifying pain, as though a million knives are piercing my heart. How is it that whenever I think about hurting you, I am the one who ends up bleeding. After so long, why do I still care? I hate that about myself, I try so hard to forget, but I just can't. I feel that I am sinking into my dark, hateful personality again because I want nothing but to make other people feel the pain I had to go through. I want to take away their happy endings, to destroy all the love there is in the world. If I can't have happiness, no one else can. I am suffering, and I want everyone else to suffer as well.

Can you tell how afraid I am? This dark side of me is scary, and twisted. For now, my good side is still persevering, there's a part of me that wants to remain a good person. But everyday as I see happy people around me (with someone that cares for them), I am slowly losing the battle. They have people who care for them, but I have no one. People say that sharing about your pain will help to lessen it, but I can't bring myself to tell anyone about it because I don't want them to be burdened by my problems.

Deep down, I'm just a lonely soul that no one cares about. There was a period of time when I did have someone that cared about me, and someone to care for, and during that time I felt like I was part of this world, like I was a living, breathing human being again. But that time has gone, and now I'm back to my old self.

If I turn back into my evil, hateful self again, please don't hate me.