I’m probably going to The 1975’s gig in July alone because none of my friends know the band, which is sad because they’re an amazing band. And if I continue this blog post talking about The 1975, I think only about 5% of readers would get what I’m saying, therefore I shall switch to what the other 95% is more concerned about: reasons why I am always alone.

You would think that I feel sad about being so alone all the time, but truth is, I don’t. I’m grown so accustomed to it, if people include me in their plans, then that’s great, I’ll join in. But if I won’t have to be meet anyone, I could go shopping alone, or go to the library and spend my entire day there buried in fictional reality. I like going shopping alone because I don’t have to worry about someone waiting for me while I try on dozens of clothes, and when I croon over a beautiful bag or a dress, I won’t have to worry about the other person thinking I’m crazy. Or I could stay at home and have movie marathons (I already have 15 movies pre-recorded for the weekends), or blog, or play with my dog Mills.

It’s not that I’m anti-social, I love being around people, but I have this terrible attitude where all I talk about is myself and like I mentioned in one of my previous post I have this habit of with-holding information, plus I’m melodramatic and I can get very emotional, all these makes people very annoyed with me, so maybe it’s better for me to stay away from people.

Another reason why I prefer to be alone is because I’ve got so many things planned out for myself, blogging, launching my web design service, learning Latin, redecorating my room, and I’m also planning on making a foray into jewelry design, amidst all these I am busy with my internship as well as planning for my future, and figuring out what I want to do. When I do take breaks, there’s always a TV series I want to catch up on (like Gossip Girl), or a book I’ve been dying to read (Macbeth). I’ve got so many commitments already and I don’t want to be in a situation where I have to cancel plans with someone all because I need to get other things done.

I’m trying out this new modus operandi where I plan out everything I have to do and get them completed in the allocated timeframe. I’ve been feeling  out-of-control , stressed and so pressurized that I knew it was time to take back the reigns. The downside to having everything planned out it is nearly impossible to add in any new plans. I bet you must be thinking how ridiculous this is, “so you will never have time for your friends?” Of course I do, I just need to figure something on, all of this is still in beta, probably gonna take some time to find solution and a balance.

Isn’t it the most amazing feeling when you check your bank account and you see that you have received your pay? It means I can buy some new shoes, more candles from Bath And Body Works, and that Urban Decay Naked Eye Palette I’ve been eyeing (get it? Eye-ing) since December…

But there’s this underlying reluctance of spending the money I worked so hard for, which makes me feel extremely guilty for having thought about shopping in the first place, it’s like a civil war in my head. To buy or not to buy? Here I shall insert an apology for I assume Shakespeare is rolling in his grave at my absurd paraphrasing of Hamlet for my trivial first world problems.

At this point, you must be thinking 1 of 2 things (or both if you don’t know me well) A) Could this person get anymore shallow? Well, then I must ask, do I really seem shallow to you? After you’ve read so much of this post? Surely there must be some indication of the proficiency that resides within my brain. B) Why is this post written in italics? Well, if you think that there is only one specific way to do things, I shall explain to you how I think as a creative person; nothing is set in stone, except the law, the law is set in stone. Always test limits, but not to the extent where you end up behind bars. Try something different. And if there’s only one way and you’re surrounded by walls, climb the wall.

Dreams

I want to live in New York, and have my own loft with maximum security and a scenic view outside the window, hopefully somewhere not in the downtown area, but not to the extent where I need 3 hours to get to work
I want to do freelance writing

I want to find a balance between life and work

I want to become an editor of fashion magazine, after I have made progress in the industry I will become a stylist

Iwant to watch a Broadway musical, preferably Phantom of the Opera

I want to visit the Louvre Museum in Paris

I want to drive a black Prius, and I’m naming it “Lola”

I will build a huge walk-in closet, with a beautiful chandelier in it, when I get my loft

I want a Givenchy Antigona, a Givenchy Nightingale, a Birkin, and of course the quintessential 2.55 (but in caviar, I like it more than the lambskin)

I want to visit the Harry Potter adventure park

I will create my own jewelry/design line

I want my loft to be painted completely in classic beige, with nice art hanging on the walls, the furniture will be dark chocolate coloured full wood, not wood composite, a coffee table made of lucite

My loft will also have a library filled to the ceilings with books, with more nice art hanging on the walls

Also a state-of-the-art kitchen, and again with the chocolate brown and beige combination

The Truth About Chngyi

I have a habit of hiding secrets from people, when people try to find out more about me, I don’t tell them everything, sometimes I let them jump to their own conclusions because I don’t like to reveal everything.  Because I keep feeling as though people keep poking around in my head, since I was a kid, I’ve had to see so many psychiatrists because of my parents’ divorce, those psychiatrists were always like “How is this affecting you? What do you feel about this? How are you going to deal with that? Does it cause you ______ when you see _____? Do you feel angry about this? What do you feel like doing since you’re angry? Will you do this? What went through your mind while you felt this way ?” I was 10, and I had to endure hours of psychological evaluation every single week. They thought I couldn’t deal with the separation of my parents, no what I couldn’t deal with was them examining my head like I was some experiment. So throughout the years of growing up, I learnt how to dodge questions, reveal some things and hide the rest, I didn’t want them to get in my head anymore. Which is why now that I am older I find it so hard to reveal things about myself, and why it’s so difficult for me to tell you everything.  I’m so sorry to all the people around me.

It wasn’t easy typing this post, I’m afraid of being judged after revealing this part of my past that barely anyone knows about. But to my friends I owe you guys an explanation.

I’m trying my best to be more open, I really am, it’s just so difficult

Recently, I've developed a penchant for room decor. I've been getting pretty little things for my room to make it prettier, and organizing everything so I know where all my things are. Strangely enough, decorating my room lifts my mood and looking at how pretty my room is, makes me really happy.

.

How To Survive As A Loner

Have you ever experienced texting everybody and asking them if they want to go out for a movie, but everyone's busy? Do you feel depressed and lonely when you have no one to go out with? If you answered yes to both questions, this guide's for you. Because you, my dear friend, you are a loner just like me. And today I am going to teach you How To Survive As A Loner.

As an introduction, I shall give you an impression about my lonely life. My social life is pretty much dead. No one texts me 95% of the time, and the other 5% of the time when someone does send me a text message, it's usually my mum asking if I want takeout for dinner. I'm not the kind of person who goes out with friends all the time. I go shopping alone, if I feel like watching a movie I'll just go alone. My Facebook notifications consists of NOT people sending me nice messages, but people sending me game reequests. Game requests !?! Can you believe that ? I don't even like games !! 

Yeah, I live a very interesting life for an 18 year old. However, even though I live a seemingly lonely and boring life, I'm totally fine with that. I'm well and surviving even though I am a teenager with a non-existent social life. Sounds pretty incredible eh? So in this post I am going to teach all my secrets, so that you can survive being a loner too.

SEE "LONER-ISM" IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT

Being a loner doesn't mean you're not cool or anything, if anyone thinks that way or talks about you in that way, I will personally punch them in the face. I will not even begin on how shallow it is to judge how interesting a person is, or how good a friend someone is, by their lack of a social life. If you are a loner, do not be ashamed of that fact, you should never ever be ashamed of who you are. And you have to trust that everything has a way of turning out for the better. I've found that being alone gave me more time and more space. You can use this time and space to focus on building yourself. By building I mean either empowering yourself physically or mentally.

If you don't have anyone else to place your attention on, why not place it on yourself?

About Bullying

Many a time, I've been disgraced, taunted, treated mercilessly by tyrannical people I've encountered in my life. These people condemn me for standing up for my beliefs and more often for standing up for my friends. These people are bullies, making fun of others for being different. Calling out names, and humiliating others. Making us feel inferior. We, the victims, have feelings too. We are only human. So many victims decide to end their lives because they can't take the torture. This is wrong. Every life is precious. Perhaps most bullies do not realise this, but their actions constitute as indirect murder. Why should these murderers be able to live their life as though nothing has happened, when their victims live in a life of torture? Plagued by memories of being outcasted, jeered at, and being hurt for the rest of their lives. Bullies don't deserve leniency. They deserve to die.

Woeful Wednesday

It’s been a long time since I felt like this, like something’s eating away at me. I don’t remember how to live anymore, I don’t feel the need to eat or sleep, in fact I don’t feel anything at all. This, whatever this is, it’s like morphine, numbs you completely so you don’t feel anything. I can’t remember how my life was in the past, did I have any aspirations, was there anything I cared about? I don’t remember who I was.  She tells me it’s because my mind is trying to block away memories of the past because psychologically I can’t handle any more pain.  I feel destroyed, do I even bear any semblance to the person I was before?  How did I get here, I don’t feel anything, I cannot be bothered about anything in the outside world. Everyone and everything is moving around me and I’m just stuck, like a rock in flowing water. I’m just here, breathing, and that’s it. I have to find my way back to old me, if I don’t I think I’ll lose my mind.

TMI Tag

1: What are you wearing?

Burgundy t-shirt, black skirt and a white statement necklace

2: Ever been in love?

Yes

3: Ever had a terrible breakup?

Yes

4: How tall are you?

159cm

5: How much do you weigh?

45kg

6: Any tattoos?

Nope, I am terrified of needles

7: Any piercings?

Same answer as the tattoo question

8: OTP?

Jack + Elsa or JACKELSA

9: Favorite show?

A tie between Teen Wolf and Warehouse 13

10: Favorite bands?

 The 1975, The Neighbourhood, The Vamps, Bon Jovi, Evanescence, Paramore

11: Something you miss? .

Baskin Robbins Cotton Candy Ice cream, haven't had it in a really long time

12: Favorite song?

A Thousand Years by Christina Perri from the Twilight soundtrack

13: How old are you?

19 in a month

14: Horoscope sign?

Gemini

15: Quality you look for in a partner?

Charisma, I guess

16: Favorite Quote?

"You know, sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Literally just 20 seconds of embarrassing bravery, and I promise you, something great will come out of it." From the movie, We Bought A Zoo

17: Favorite actor?

Dylan O'Brien 

18: Favorite color?

Seafoam

19: Loud music or soft?

Depends on the occasion

20: Where do you go when you’re sad?

I open my wardrobe and walk into Narnia. Just kidding, to my room

21: How long does it take you to shower?

20 minutes

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

30 minutes, I think

23: Ever been in a physical fight?

Nope. Violence is never the answer

24: What you like

 Dylan O'Brien, cute animals, Dylan O'Brien with cute animals.

25: What you hate

Sharing things, unless I'm really close to you. Insects, man I hate insects.

26: The reason I started blogging?

I needed an outlet to express my views, my struggles, and the happiness I encounter in my life

27: Fears?

Roller coasters, needles

28: Last thing that made you cry?

Something that made me cry a lot was the break-up

29: Last time you said you loved someone?

March something 2013. Before the break-up

30: Meaning behind your blog name?

Frstbite can mean both "first bite" and "frostbite" alluding to my love of vampires and werewolves, as well as my cold demeanor.

31: Last book you read?

The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

32: The book you’re currently reading?

City of Fallen Angels e-book. From The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare.

33: Last show you watched?

The Originals, Season 1 Episode 21 (loved it.)

34: Last person you talked to?

Jac

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted?

Friends

36: Favorite food?

Ice cream

37: Place you want to visit?

New Orleans. If you watch The Originals, you would know why

38: Last place you went?

The library

39: Do you have a crush?

Dylan O'Brien isn't a crush, it's more like an obsession

40: Last time you kissed someone?

ummm

41: Last time you were insulted?

Some time back I guess, I've already forgiven and forgotten,  my life is all about moving on

42: Favorite flavor of sweet?

Strawberry or peppermint

43: What is your hobby?

Room decor, I'm always looking for new ways to spice up my room

44: Favorite piece of jewelery?

A new necklace I got from Forever 21

45: Last sport you played?

It's been such a long time, I can't even remember

46: Last song you sang?

Counting Stars by One Republic, I really like this song

47: Favorite chat up line?

Don't have one

48: Have you ever used it?

Nope

49: Last time you hung out with anyone?

A week ago, lunch with my friends

50: Who should answer these questions next?

You, the person who's reading this right now.

Internship, Crystal Returns + Confessions of A Shopaholic !

This is my third week of interning at Novartis, everything’s been great, my colleagues are nice, and you can always hear laughter and jokes around the office. I don’t get too much workload, but enough to keep me occupied throughout the day. Unfortunately, I can’t disclose too much of what I do due to confidentiality matters. Although I love my job, waking up at 5.30am every morning does take some getting used to, I always feel so tired in the mornings, resulting in frequent coffee runs. Thank goodness for the amazing coffee machine here, it makes everything from mocha to latte, the usual cappuccino, everything to satisfy the slight caffeine addict in me. On days when I want to kick back from caffeine, I’ll get some milo or tea. When I get home from work, it’s usually around 7pm, this gives me about 3 hours before my energy completely drains out and all I want to do is to crawl into bed and sleep for the next century. The same routine continues throughout the week, so the weekends are what I look forward to most. During the weekends, I manage to get so many more things done, such as grocery shopping, shopping in general, preparing blog posts, sometimes I’ll even go to the library or meet up with my friends, but the best thing about weekends is being able to catch-up on my favorite TV shows (e.g. Doctor Who, Sherlock, Gossip Girl, The Originals etc.), if I have any extra time, I’ll probably be adding more songs to my playlist so that I’ll have music to listen to while on the long train rides to work. Some current favorite tunes are by The 1975, The Neighborhood and Bon Jovi.

I know I don’t usually talk about fashion on Frstbite all that tends to go on AllForCyan, but I would like to make an exception today because what I’m going to talk about goes hand-in-hand with what I mentioned above. For my new job, I am required to dress smart casual, which is something very different for me, although I tend to dress with a preppy edge while in school, I feel that it’s not “smart casual” enough. These few weeks, I’ve been pulling out what shirts, cardigans, and what work appropriate attire I have and creating a new section in my closet just for them. I already have a lot of clothes, but not enough work clothes, well not enough to last me four months I feel, because I am too “The Devil Wears Prada” to repeat outfits that I have already worn. That’s unfortunately quite materialistic of me, it’s a terrible affliction. So I’ve been going shopping to see if I can pick up a few more pieces to add to my little arsenal.

Speaking of shopping, this brings us to the next topic, my economic situation. I’ve been feeling very stressed out with work and stuff, and when I’m stressed, I go shopping. Which explains the dent in my bank account, but rest assured, I now have a steady flow of income from my new job, that I hope can sufficiently make up for the losses. Oh that totally reminds me, I need to watch Confessions of A Shopaholic again. A fashion movie + Baskin Robbins cotton candy ice cream I’ve got stocked up in my fridge = the perfect way to de-stress. I can’t wait.

Crystal’s coming back to Singapore soon, which is awesome because I’ve we’ve been friends for the longest time and she’s been the best support through difficult situations. But she’s currently studying in Australia so I hardly get to see her except when she comes back during summer break or winter break or what they call it in Aussie. I can’t wait to ask her about university life. Just to clarify, she’s the same age as me (all 5 of us are the same age, proud 95s !!) but she’s already in U, after graduating from sec school she flew over there to begin her U studies. She’ll be back in June, and then all 5 of us (me, Crys, Michelle, YX, and Audrey) will finally be reunited. They’ve already planned so many outings, which is super crazy but so awesome, includes shopping (duh.) café-hopping, etc. However, towards the end of June, Michelle will be leaving for China, sometime later Crys will be heading back to Aussie too.

The 5 of us have been friends for 5 years, they are the greatest support and the most amazing people in my life, I am so thankful for them, and I hope the distance doesn’t pull us apart. It was slightly difficult keeping together when we are in different schools, NP, SP, NYP, university in Australia. Hope we’ll still be close even though now we’re gonna be split into different continents. Guys, if you’re reading this, we need to Skype everyday, like seriously, I’m not joking, or you’re not getting Christmas presents.

That is the end of my updates post, see you in my next one.