(You're) Driving Me Insane

Is it possible for someone to be driven insane by MATHS ? If there are no known cases yet, I could very well be the first. What was the reason that I chose this course? I don't know. But what I do know is that I've never been good at maths or science. So why in the world did I choose a course that ONLY HAS maths and science !?? I've always been someone somewhat more "gifted" in Humanities, Languages and the Arts.

So here I am, like a fish out of water, struggling to make it through each day in school. Trying to understand integration, differentiation and other mathematical concepts and theories that are so foreign to me. 

And don't even get me started on science, it's my worst subject ever. I just can't seem to understand it. Which is why I often resort to memorizing everything, Which is not a good option because in the tests and examinations the questions are structured in the way that it depends on smarts rather than good memory. Did I forget to mention that I have excellent memory but I'm not very smart? I'm creative, I'm musically inclined, but am I smart? Doubtful.

But I will still try my best to push my GPA further up, because I'm not a quitter, I'm a fighter. Even if I'm going down, I'm not leaving without a fight,

Drama auditions are next week, I'm so nervous because I've never done any acting in my whole life. But I wanted to try something new and different, who knows? It could be fun. I felt that I should get a CCA, but no sports (not my thing), not the Orchestra (been in there for 10 years so I got kinda sick of it), so I settled on Drama.

He is still not talking to me. I'm being to wonder if I've been forgotten entirely. This longing in my heart, is not going away.

I spend every waking moment thinking about you.
All those memories keep coming back like a never-ending river of reminder of what I had, but now lost.
It makes me wonder what I could have done differently, if I should have showed you more affection and attention,
and if doing so maybe it could have made you stayed, not forever, but just a bit longer.
It kills me that we see each other, but we do not speak.
What happened? I need to know. Of which catalyst it was that made you leave.
Could I have done things differently? Should I?
Now all I'm left with is a sky full of questions.
They used to be the most beautiful, shining stars, but I cease to notice them now because now all my heart can feel is sadness and despair, I have lost all ability to appreciate beauty.
What is beauty without the beast?
One cannot be without the other.
Without you, there is no me.
I can't even do the things I used to do, the things I used to love.
All I know is pain, when I am without my love.

Will I get another chance? Will you come back to me? Because I will. I will. I will love you with all my heart.

-Chngyi

After a very very fast weekend, the 2nd week of school starts tomorrow. I know it'll be a repetitive cycle of "studies + sleep" throughout the week and then it'll be the weekends again, yippee!  But sadly, that leaves me with no relaxation time within the week. I've become so much more hardworking now, it's really strange, but it's definitely a good thing. I'm proud of myself. Guess I finally woke up after being in an almost trance-like state through freshman year.

Here's a really nice quote I found recently, it's by Plato. I love Plato. Most of my favourite quotes are Plato.

I know it's really late but here I am, still up blogging. 

Going out with the girls (T, N, F, CH) + A tomorrow. We're gonna be doing something real special. 

Maybe I shouldn't say this >< but it's highly unlikely she'll read this, so here goes: We're going to celebrate CH's 18th birthday ! We were supposed to celebrate last week, on the day itself March 29th, however N couldn't make it so we changed it to tomorrow.

Moving on to other matters in my life, I think I'm single again. I'm not gonna think of it as a bad thing though. 

What's happening?

You're acting like you don't me

Don't you remember?

All those things we used to be

You said you'll never go
But lately I've been feeling so alone
So if you're still here, I want you to know

I don't need the world
I don't need a thing
But you and me