FROSTBITE

It's been eons since my last post. I should assume you didn't miss me too much, it's a terribly painful thing to miss someone. I should know, after all I have been missing somebody for the past 10 months. I know that at this point, there's no going back and I'm just heading into a deep abyss, with neither a bottom nor end. I have long pondered if a conclusion to this tragic tale could put me out of this misery, however, will I be able to accept the conclusion? Or would this undimmed hope of mine lead me further into denial, and cloud my mind with delusions that there's still a continuation to our story, and that someday, somehow, our stars would align again. There's nothing stronger in my mind now, than my refusal to believe that I would never receive the fairytale happy ending that I had so hoped for.

I don't want to believe it's completely over between us, I don't care if at the end, all this waiting around for him, turns out to be completely useless and I wasted all my time. I said that I wanted to spend all my time with him. If I can't do that, I don't mind spending all my time waiting for him.

He gave me so much happiness and a light to my life and in one moment he took it all away, and there was nothing I could do about it. I suppose I have no reason to blame him because everyone has the right to make their own choices. I can only blame myself for opening my heart, this is my price to pay, all this yearning, regret, devastation and suffering. Oh endless suffering.

I could write a thousand love songs, but would any of them touch his heart? I could hope and pray for a million days, would Heaven pity me enough  to rewrite my fate?